Show Notes

WONDERING IF YOU’RE A PEOPLE PLEASER?

This year has been A LOT, especially for teachers. So many people are asking things of you – students, administrators, parents of students. I have some questions for you, and I want you to really think about what I’m asking.

• Are you struggling with the feeling of demands coming at you from all directions?
• Is your to-do list a mile long?
• Is there never enough time to get to everything and you can never get ahead?
• Are you wondering why your list keeps growing instead of getting shorter?
• Is overwhelmed and exhausted your default setting?
• Are you struggling to find work/life balance?
• Have you ever wondered if you are a people pleaser?

If these questions resonated with you, if you answered yes to most of them, then I’m SO GLAD you’re here! It’s time to take a deep breath.

We are going to discuss one very practical step you can put into place TODAY that will decrease your overwhelm and make you more productive.

WHAT IS A PEOPLE PLEASER? 

Oftentimes, our lists are too long because we are others-focused… a nice way of saying people-pleasing.

What exactly is a people pleaser?

Someone who has the need to please others at the expense of their own emotional well-being.

For example:

• Doing your best work for your boss/admin at the expense of creating a healthy meal for yourself and/or exercising
• Or, spending lunch helping a student instead of taking that mental rest from your day to recharge and be more emotionally ready for your students in the afternoon.

You might be saying: those are all good things, aren’t they?

And YES, they absolutely are. With a caveat.

ARE YOU BEING KIND OR BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER?

It’s easy to confuse pleasing people with kindness. Or to feel like saying no is “mean” or “selfish.”

If that’s your mindset, if you’re not giving yourself permission to say no, then I would say they are NOT good things. They’re things that have the potential to leave you feeling drained, taken advantage of, and resentful.

WHERE DOES PEOPLE-PLEASING COME FROM?

That is a subject on its own! And I’ve included a link to a great article about that in the Referenced in This Episode section below, but for our purposes, it’s helpful to know that fear of rejection or abandonment drives pretty much everything a people-pleaser does.

Are you a people pleaser? Again, I’m going to point you to the Referenced in This Episode below, because I’ve shared another great article about the signs you can look for if you’re unsure. It lists several, and here are a couple that are great questions to ask yourself related to some of them:

• Do you feel burdened/overwhelmed with all you have to do?
• Do you have trouble saying no to requests?
• Are you uncomfortable with making someone angry at you?

If this is resonating with you, then I offer you a very sincere congratulations. Because recognizing it as a pattern in your life, is what will help you change.

HOPE FOR PEOPLE PLEASERS

I want to offer you hope because there is a small step you can take today to start overcoming your people-pleasing habits.

Say. “No”.

It sounds simple, but it can be very difficult – and often painful – for people pleasers.

Believe me, I know. I’m a recovering people pleaser myself. Choosing to say “no” is often PHYSICALLY painful for me.

Learning to do this, though, will alleviate stress and help you to be more protective of your time.

Is it easy?

No

Can you do it? Absolutely! It starts by taking small steps.

Saying “No” is the first step to getting your time back… as well as a bit of your sanity.

The great thing is…there are lots of ways to say it.

HOW TO SAY NO (WITHOUT THE GUILT)

I’ve included a link in the show notes to “10 Ways to Say No Without Feeling Guilty”. This FREE resource provides you with different ways to say no. Things like:

• Thanks for the opportunity, but I’m going to have to pass.
• I’m not free to commit to that right now.
• My plate is full right now, so I can’t.

Find a couple that feel right to you.

Then, find someone you trust and practice saying them out loud.

What I’ve discovered is that living in a place where I can say “no” gives me the freedom to say “yes” in love. Things I once felt obligated to do have become something that I choose. If I had not given myself the option to say no, I never would have experienced the joy of saying yes, in love.

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

If your end goal is to make an impact with your students, you must get control of your own emotions first. And when you are people-pleasing, you are not in charge of those emotions.

When you are in charge, your students will sense it. They will see that you are more relaxed, and you will be a safe person in their lives. Why? Because when you give yourself permission to say no to others, you’re giving them the permission to say no to you, as well.

The changes we long to make in the lives of our students start by showing them that we are willing to do the work ourselves.

WHAT ACTION STEP CAN YOU TAKE TODAY?

• Download the free resource and choose 1 or 2 ways to say no that feel right to you.
• Take it one step further. Find one thing on your to-do list you could eliminate by telling someone ‘no’. Then, make that call or write that email.
• Let me know how it goes! We are often more likely to follow through if we tell someone.

If you take these small steps and continue to do so, I guarantee that the overwhelm will start to decrease.

It’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

WANT TO CONQUER THE PEOPLE PLEASER IN YOU?

If you want to conquer your people-pleasing and need help, I’d love for you to join me for my Workshop on Boundaries. I’ll be offering it again in January. It’s a one-hour session where I’ll be sharing more steps and strategies that will help you set and hold healthy boundaries, and live in the freedom of being able to say no so that you can yes in love.

You can join the waitlist by clicking the link below, in the Referenced in this Episodes section. You’ll be the first to know when registration opens up!