Show Notes

Pandemic Isolation: Showing Up for Our Teens When We Don’t Have the Bandwidth

PANDEMIC ISOLATION AND OUR TEENS

Podcasts have helped me a lot over the past year. There’s something about having someone’s voice in your ears that has made the pandemic isolation a little less for me. From Brene Brown’s Daring to Lead, to Rob Lowe’s Literally, I’ve enjoyed hanging out with all kinds of fun people.

The pandemic has impacted all of us in unexpected ways – there are as many different responses as there are different people. And although pandemic isolation has been hard for everyone, our teens have suffered tremendously. Our teens’ loneliness and separation from their social groups has been particularly difficult.

It’s not news that we’re all experiencing isolation and loneliness during this pandemic. My question for you today is: how is it truly affecting our teens?

PANDEMIC ISOLATION AND YOU

Developmentally, we know that social networks are crucial for our teens.

Who am I kidding? They’re important for all of us!

Which means that it can be a challenge to be there for our teens right now – because we’re experiencing isolation and loneliness as well. In fact, in one article I looked at, half of the adults that were polled said that their mental health has suffered during the pandemic. HALF.

And as the adults, we’re responsible for a lot of things that must happen regardless of how we feel. And when we only have a limited amount of bandwidth, everything but the essentials gets pushed aside.

We focus on the work we have to do as teachers and/or as parents: lesson planning and meal planning, administrative tasks, cleaning classrooms and bathrooms, etc.

This doesn’t mean we don’t care about our teens…in fact, it’s a facet of caring for them, but taking care of all the external things can distract us from attending to their internal, emotional needs.

SHOWING UP WHEN YOU’VE GOT NOTHING LEFT

Please know that I’m talking about this as much for me as I am for you! With all that has happened over the past year, I know I’ve gone through seasons – whether it’s days, weeks, or even months, where it’s felt like all I can do is keep up with keeping groceries in the fridge and the kitchen clean – and even that was iffy sometimes!

And what I know about my teens, and yours too, I’m betting, is that even though it can feel challenging (and some days, even impossible) to show up for our teens, we need to check in on them.

OPENING UP AUTHENTICALLY WITH TEENS ABOUT OUR OWN STRUGGLES WITH PANDEMIC ISOLATION

What I’ve found is that the more authentic and open I can be with my teens, the better it is for all of us.

Maybe you’ve always been an open book, but until the pandemic, I didn’t realize how much I kept buttoned up around my teens. There were struggles I faced, or challenges, and I didn’t’ really ‘bother’ them about those things.

With the pandemic, not only have we been all up underneath each other, but I haven’t had the bandwidth to keep things compartmentalized. Which probably wasn’t that healthy to begin with, so, yay me for personal growth, I guess?

Anyhoo, warts and all, ….

It’s imperative that we check in with our teens.

WHY OUR TEENS NEED US TO CHECK IN

Here’s why. One recent study indicates that teens and young adults are among the hardest hit by the pandemic socially.

That’s sobering, especially when you consider that 70% of teens surveyed before the pandemic felt that anxiety and depression were major problems for people their age in the communities where they live.

The pandemic has exacerbated the problem, because at just the time when they are supposed to be branching out in independence, they’ve been socially distanced from their peers and growth opportunities. They are supposed to be experiencing new:

• Jobs
• Friends
• Environments like college have been interrupted for them
• Not to mention, if they’ve gone away to college for the first time during the pandemic, they’ve been forced into isolation in that completely new environment.

From a medical perspective, those at particular risk are those with

• Existing behavioral or emotional disorders
• Kids who can’t interact socially
• Those with a history of depression and anxiety

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT OUR TEENS AND PANDEMIC ISOLATION?

So, what can we do?

Communication is Key

Whether you are a parent of a teen or a teacher, or potentially both, communication is key.

This quote from a WebMD article puts it well:“One of the most important things for parents to do is keep lines of communication open; ask their teen how they are doing and create the space for them to speak honestly so they can provide help when needed.”

But how do you do that?

Teachers

If you are a teacher, don’t underestimate the power of your classroom community.

• Slow things down with the curriculum and spend time having important conversations with your students. 
• Offer choices for them to express their concerns. (Use Groups, 1:1, via a journal, etc.)

Parents

As a parent, prioritize important conversations with your kids. These big conversations don’t just happen and you don’t want to wait until they are urgent. You have to be intentional about bringing them up.

Is what I was talking about before – being vulnerable with them.

 – let them see that you’re struggling too. You want the amountand depth you share to be age-appropriate, of course. Let them share their coping strategies with you. We’re aiming for a ‘we’re in this together’ vibe.

STARTING THE CONVERSATION

You might be saying, “This is great Amy but my kids/students don’t talk to me.”

I understand that and here is what I’ve found to be a great springboard for these conversations…. Books. They give you the opportunity to start conversations about so many big issues without it being person, and the potential to transition  into talking about those issues in a more personal context.

If that’s something you’re interested in exploring, I urge you to check out my Meaningful Mentor Book Database.

TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES AND OUR TEENS DURING PANDEMIC ISOLATION

This pandemic isolation has taken a toll on all of us.

First, we need to make sure that we are taking care of our own emotional needs in whatever way necessary. This not only helps us but models that we value our own health to our kids.

Second, we need to initiate important conversations with our teens and check in on them. 

If this seems hard, it is! If you need help, the Meaningful Mentor Database and accompanying resources can help.

And I’d love for you to become one of my people by joining my email community – I share things in my weekly emails that I don’t share anywhere else.

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