Show Notes

JOURNALING

In this episode of In the Middle of It, Carolyn Gardner and I continue our conversation and dive into one of the best strategies for growing our Emotional Intelligence: Journaling. I am passionate about journaling because it’s something that has transformed my life in significant ways.

GETTING THE MOST OUT OF JOURNALING

One of the ways to start working through your emotions and recognizing patterns is to sit down with a trusted friend, share your journal, and talk through your thoughts. The act of getting your thoughts out of your head and sharing them with someone is sometimes powerful enough to help you shift and change and make micro-adjustments.

CHOOSING A TRUSTWORTHY, SAFE PERSON

Journaling is personal – and when we’re talking about teens being willing to expressing themselves, that is something the person they are sharing with must respect.

As the teen or adult who is learning to journal, that person you’re sharing with is someone you’re choosing who is your ‘safe’ person.

For adults, remember that this isn’t a writing assignment, it’s your feelings. You don’t have to show it to just anyone. Choose someone you trust, who you can be vulnerable with. For teens, give them the choice of who they get to talk to about their journal – a friend, a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, an aunt or uncle.

JOURNALING IN THE CLASSROOM

As a teacher, you might have interactive journals where students can write to you. Sometimes they want to share how they’re feeling, but it can be hard to voice it. An interactive journal can give them a place to be vulnerable. It can also be journal where you write back. You can even give them the option to put sticky notes on the pages you’re allowed to read, which will also build trust.

Parents can do the same – have journal you pass back and forth. Communicating through journaling gives you time to think through what you want to say, to be intentional and deliberate. It can weave an intimacy between you and your teen, because it’s being vulnerable and giving you a place to share the things that are hard to say out loud.

You can write it anywhere, but if it’s something bound you can look back on it and see how you’ve grown and changed.

BUILDING SKILLS

The word “journal” is used in school a lot – this is a bit different. This is not something that’s graded. It’s just a communication tool, one more way to build trust and connection in your classroom..

You’re developing the skill of identifying big feelings, and journaling is a vehicle for that.

As you grow in your journaling, it’s going to become easier for you to identify those feelings in the moment.

MUTUAL VULNERABILITY IN JOURNALING

As an adult, I can say things aloud to express the emotions I’m experiencing. Being able to share in an authentic, vulnerable way is modeling for our teens that it’s okay and helpful and safe to do that.

If adults haven’t experienced that growing up (and many haven’t,) we’re learning, too. Showing our teens the vulnerability of learning those emotions makes it safer for them to do as well. That mutual vulnerability of sharing those feelings builds trust and credibility and shows them that you’re always trying to learn too and not just asking them to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.

MODELING FOR OUR TEENS

On the Amazon Prime documentary with Pink, All I Know So Far, she shares something that really fits here. She talks about the point as a teen when you feel a sense betrayal because you’re finally seeing your parents as human beings and not just mom and dad. Flawed human beings who are falling off their pedestals.

That’s developmentally appropriate – we all must go through it so that eventually, we interact with our parents as adults. Or teachers or whomever.

Being vulnerable, sharing our emotions and what we’re struggling with, and sharing positive things is modeling these skills for them.

STRUGGLING WITH ISOLATION

It’s also the start of helping our kids see us as whole human beings – which is especially important right now, because we’re ALL struggling with the effects of the pandemic.

One of the problems with isolation is believing we’re the only person who feels a certain way. And we can isolate ourselves even when you’re around a lot of people – but we haven’t been able to be around a lot of people. So, we’re not even seeing other people’s experiences and there’s a tendency (especially for teens) to think ‘no one else has ever felt this way before.’

If we can set the example for them and show them that, yes, you are not alone. You are not the only person and I feel that way now, or I remember feeling that way when I was your age. Getting those conversations started is important.

BEYOND JOURNALING

There are other resources out there like books and movies, where you can show teens that there others feeling the same way they are.

Books are especially helpful, particularly when you can find books where characters are going through whatever your teens are going through. Or things their friends are going through that they don’t understand or are having trouble processing.

It is compelling when you can find something for them to read that helps them walk through that.

BOOKS AS A CATALYST

Books can be an amazing catalyst for bringing these things up. They can help break the ice to talk about big stuff – especially with teens. Coming at issues sideways instead of going at it directly is often more effective.

If you need help with finding books centered on specific topics and issues, be sure to check out the Meaningful Mentor Book Database!

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