Show Notes

GRIEF AND LOSS IN THE PANDEMIC

Most of us have suffered losses of all kinds during the pandemic – and with loss, comes grief.

So, grief. What do you think about when you hear that word?

Often, it’s associated with loss through death. And many of us have suffered that kind of grief during the pandemic.

But I would submit that we grieve any loss.

DEFINING GRIEF AND LOSS

The definition of grief in Merriam-Webster is: “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement”

Deep and poignant distress. Okay…what is distress? When used as a noun it can mean:

• pain or suffering affecting the body, a bodily part, or the mind
• a painful situation
• a state of danger or desperate need

Depending on their personal situation during the pandemic your teens may have experienced any or all these forms of distress…these forms of grief.

“Medicine.Net” describes the medical definition of grief as” the process of reacting to a loss”.

OUR TEENS’ EXPERIENCE

Our kids have had to face death, grief and their own mortality in a much more in-your-face way than most teens have had to for several decades.

What has your teens’ process looked like? How are they grieving during this time? What have they lost?

• Potentially family members or friends
• Routine
• “In-person” interactions
• Academic support that is familiar. Virtual schooling has put much more on them, their families and their teachers.
• Depending on socio-economic circumstances, possibility loss of resources and or lack of access to resources.
• Possibly loss of safe environment
• Monumental moments like graduation, prom, birthdays, family celebrations
• Sadly, even funerals.may have lost someone and couldn’t say goodbye.

HELPING OUR TEENS WITH THEIR GRIEF AND LOSS

Helping our teens with their grief involves taking the opportunity to share our losses with our teens in a way that allows them to feel comfortable sharing their own.

What does that look like?

It takes work, time, and intentionality to reach your teens

• They need to know you are sincere.
• Each one’s situation is so different always … but especially now.
• Create safe spaces where they know they can share their thoughts…whether at home or school.
• Make yourself available to listen.
• Provide or suggest creative outlets, like journaling, painting, and music.

We need to validate their losses and remind them it’s okay to grieve. Their losses are valid. That can be easier said than done.

LOSS IS LOSS

My grief over the loss of attending live events like concerts doesn’t diminish your grief for your loved one, and vice versa.

And that’s something that teens may not get – they may feel bad about expressing their distress over the loss of something they consider “small” in the face of a job loss or a death.

Something I’ve noticed in myself, that I’m working to model and communicate to my own teens, is that the losses that are occurring outside the pandemic – ones that are part of every day, “normal” life, feel magnified and harder to wrap my arms around. It’s that whole “straw that broke the camel’s back” phenomenon.

It can be so powerful to help teens understand that the strength and depth of our emotions – especially the ones around loss – might be amplified right now because of the circumstances.

It’s a good reminder for me, too.

Being authentic with them and showing them that “we’re in this together” helps to create that safe space for them to share with us.

VALIDATING OUR TEENS’ GRIEF AND LOSS

The Head-On Approach

One of the best ways to help our teens navigate grief is to face it head-on, through conversation.

When it comes to these talks with our teens, especially when they are hurting or struggling, it’s easy to slip into ‘fix it’ mode. To try to get them to see the silver lining or point out the hidden lessons or benefits.

Now is NOT the time for that.

Now IS the time for us to take on the role of an active listener in our conversation with our teens. The “active” part of listening means doing things like:

• Using nonverbal signals like head nods, eye contact, and leaning forward
• Asking clarifying questions by reflecting what they’ve said or paraphrasing it
• Withholding any kind of judgment statements – whether positive or negative
• Listening to understand, not respond.

It IS the time for you to respond with empathy and affirmation, to let them know you understand what they’re feeling.

The Subtle Approach

Reading the same books as your teens is another way to start these discussions. Sometimes, it’s easier for our teens to talk about a character’s experience with grief rather than their own. And there’s always the possibility that talking about grief and loss in a book will lead to talking about more personal experiences. If you’d like help initiating these talks, the Meaningful Mentor Book Database and accompanying resources are for you.

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