3 Things to ALWAYS Avoid When Talking Books (or Anything Else!) with Your Teen

Teens can be pretty fierce when it comes to their opinions. Which is why you want to tread carefully – and deliberately – when planning to talk about Young Adult books with them. Any false step can push them outside the circle of your influence – which is exactly the opposite of what you want to do.

Here are three things to avoid at all costs when book talking with your teenager.

1. Do NOT condescend to your teen.

Teens respond to adults who treat them like they have brains. If you condescend or try to manipulate, you destroy any opportunity to get to know who they really are and what they think. Because the opposite is true as well – they shut down when they sense that you think they’re little kids who don’t know how to think for themselves. This is something universal – whenever I’ve been in any situation where I’m able to listen to teens talk about their lives, it comes up. Whether it’s a life group at church, a posse of my kids’ friends, or my own children themselves, they hate it when adults talk down to them. And the adult in question? They’re knocked out of any kind of position of influence.

2. Do NOT have a “hidden” agenda.

Teens can sniff this out too. If they think you’re trying to “trick” them into seeing things your way, it will backfire. And most likely, alienate them.

If there is a point you want to make or a concept you want to illuminate, be upfront about it. Refer back to my first point – if you treat them with the same kind of respect as you would another adult, they’re more likely to accept your influence.

Which leads me to my third point.

3. DO NOT  lead with taste judgment.

If your teen is excited about a book (or anything else for that matter), any negative commentary about why you don’t like it will squelch their desire to share – now, or in the future.

Rather, treat them with respect, the same way you would treat a member of a book club or any other adult activity. Ask good questions, actively listen, and acknowledge their opinions.

Want to know more about the 3 A’s? Download this free guide.

Bottom line: the way you discuss books with your teens is just as important as what you are discussing.

Of course, being an Ish Girl, I’ve violated every single one of these three “don’ts” at one time or another. Fortunately, teens can be as forgiving as they are resistant. It just takes a little time, some sincere apologies, and a lot of love to get back on track.

Have you been able to avoid these no-nos with your teen? I’d love to hear about it – join the conversation!