Show Notes

13 Reasons Why, the second season

If you’re familiar with this Netflix show that is based on Jay Asher’s book, 13 Reasons Why, you already know that there are some very provocative, serious topics that it brings up. If you’re not familiar, just know that there are some very sensitive, mature themes and issues we’ll be exploring.

BACKSTORY

I believe I’ve shared this before, but I want to give you a bit of backstory. When it came out, my then 13-year-old daughter asked to watch the first season of 13 Reasons Why. I knew it was based on a book, and I knew enough to insist that we watch it together, but  I was not an informed viewer by any means.

And that was my bad. Because as we got further and further into the series, it got darker and more graphic. By halfway through, I wanted to pull the plug and not finish. But I didn’t, for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I knew it would do more harm with my daughter to cut it off than it would to see it through and dialog about it.

That experience was one of the catalysts for starting this podcast. It taught me that I want to be prepared and equipped to talk about the issues that come up in stories like 13 Reasons Why.

Season Two

Season 2 of the show dropped on June 1. I was not eager to watch it, but I knew it was important if I wanted to dialog with both my kids – because this show has become a phenomenon. Teens I know personally have shared that the environment at Liberty High (the school in the show) is very similar to what they experience. The issues that it brings up are ones they are very familiar with, and if they aren’t dealing with one or more of them, they know someone who is.

Which is sobering.

Because it portrays these issues in a visceral, raw way that, honestly, I’m not very comfortable with. This is not the after-school special that I grew up with.

Questionable Depictions

And it’s not so much the issues themselves as it is the depiction of them – in the first season, we see two very graphic rapes and a suicide scene that shows every step of a character getting into the bathtub and slitting her wrists, bleeding out until her parents find her, dead.

It is SO SO important to me to talk to my teens about the big stuff (and the little stuff) – just, all the stuff. But I have to believe there’s a way to do it without the secondary trauma of watching it happening to someone else on the screen.

Having said that, I’m also a realist – it’s out there, and teens are watching it. And many are touting it for various reasons. If nothing else, it’s drawing attention to these issues and inspiring great conversations.

I am not about censorship. Period. But I am about knowing your teens, knowing how something of this nature might affect them individually, and making informed choices.

Okay, off my soapbox now, and onto the show.

13 Reasons Why, Season 2 – The Issues

It picks up 5 months after Hannah Baker’s suicide. Her parents are suing the school for not protecting her and doing more to prevent her suicide, and each new episode focuses on a new witness who is testifying in the case. A lot of new info about Hannah is revealed – not all of it pleasant for her parents.

Here are some of the issues it touches on:

• Alcohol use
• Bipolar Disorder
• Bullying
• Depression
• Divorce
• Drug Use
• Family Relationships
• Friendship
• Guns in Schools
• Parental Neglect
• Pornography
• Sexual Harassment and Assault

What to Know Before You Watch 13 Reasons Why, Season 2

I’m highlighting the things I’ll be talking to my own teens about – if there’s something I don’t cover that you find super-important, I’d love to hear from you on my Facebook page.

Sidenote here, as I prepped for this episode, I literally had to ask myself “how many ways are there to say graphic?” Just sayin’. 

The following things were portrayed in the series:

1. Explicit sex scenes.

We see photos of nude boys from behind.

In some scenes, you can see the thrusting motion of the two characters.

2. Lots of scenes with guns.

This was interesting – they show the build up over time of two of the characters using guns, from target practice to killing a bird.

3. Graphic rape scenes.

There are flashbacks to the rape of one of the characters.

We see photos of boys having sex with girls who are passed out.

In one scene, many of the female characters share harassment or rape stories.

A boy is sodomized with a broomstick in a scene that is very graphic

4. Life-like drug use scenes.

We see teens smoking pot, dropping “molly.”

One main character shoots up heroin several times – in his arms and in between his toes.

5. Pornography.

A character who tried and failed to kill himself by shooting himself in the head has not been able to get an erection since the incident. He watches actual porn on his computer to try to stimulate himself, and it actually shows the topless woman.

6. Rampant bullying.

Pretty much everyone, but the ones I’ll highlight are, flashbacks of Hannah being slut-shamed; a group of underdog characters is bullied by the “jocks,” one of the boys from that group is the one who is attacked in the bathroom

7. Frequent expletives.

Sadly, this is almost a non-issue, as, according to my teens, it’s very common in their schools (both middle and high)

(In case you were wondering – our family’s philosophy is that there are times when nothing else fits the context and situation than a curse word, but using them all the time diminishes their impact.)

Bleak, Gritty Realism

13 Reasons Why – both seasons – hurt my heart. For the characters, but also for all the teens who watch and identify. It’s good to see that they’re not alone, yes. But that our teens are facing this reality is hard. And I question the wisdom of portraying these issues with such gritty realism.

What’s disturbing to me – beyond the graphic nature of it – is the lack of hope, the bleakness of it. Toward the end of the last episode of season 2, one of the characters, Clay Jensen, poses the questions: “How do we survive? How do we bring light to a world that only seems dark?” He responds to his own questions with “I think the answer is, we love each other.”

But. There is this sense that walking through these issues is inevitable, and more importantly to me, that they are alone, as a generation, in it. Because after he says those words, Clay begs his friends at a school dance to not call the police – that he is capable of “talking down” a classmate who is heading into the school with an automatic weapon, ready to wreak vengeance on the bullies who attacked him. Then he helps his friend escape, so that he doesn’t implode his life or harm others.

Talk About It – No Really.

Have the Hard Discussion

Parents, teachers, counselors, administration – adults in general are portrayed as untrustworthy and at no point – to my recollection – do any of the characters go to their parents for help. And I was watching for it.

The producers of the show very wisely provided a resource page for the show – I’ve included a link to it in my show notes. There are links to mental health hotlines and websites, a discussion guide for the show, as well as several short videos to watch that highlight different issues like “consent” and “spotting depression” and “taking signs of potential harm seriously.”

Almost all of the videos urge kids to “find a trusted adult,” which is great, but I’m left wondering how many of the teens who watch the series will actually go to that page and check it out – because “finding a trusted adult” is pretty much the opposite of what the characters do in the show.

If 13 Reasons Why is something your teen is watching, I highly encourage you to dialog with them about it. Be frank, authentic, and real. Work to engage them, because this is important.

Do your Due Diligence

This isn’t the first group of teens to feel separate and misunderstood. From the “don’t trust anyone over 30” of my parents, to my peers’ latchkey-kid, abandoned, “we’re independent and raising ourselves” mentality, there is a history of a gap between generations.

Which is why my passion is connecting parents and teens through whatever means possible. And I have to acknowledge that 13 Reasons Why, though brutal and disturbing, is a vehicle that can help in that quest. A useful tool for my parenting toolkit.

This time, I did my due diligence before letting my teens digest this provocative series. I hope you’ll do the same.