Show Notes

THE OUTCOME: ARE YOU PLAYING THE LONG GAME?

I frequently talk about the fact that as parents and teachers, we’re playing the long game. It’s something we accept intellectually as just being what it is – we know the science part of things, like what’s developmentally appropriate for our teens, and the things that are driving their behaviors and actions. We accept that we’re making a difference, even when we don’t see the outcome.

But it’s easy for that knowledge to fly out the window in a moment of conflict with our middle schoolers, or if you’re like me when you’re lying awake at night worrying about your children or your students. I know we’ve all been there.

WHEN DOUBT AND DESPAIR CREEP IN

Those times when doubt creeps – or roars – in, and we despair because we’re doing the hard work of parenting in a connected way, but we’re not seeing the outcome. Or maybe we find our teens going in the opposite direction. And that thought takes root and grows, and you find yourself believing “If I’m not seeing an outcome, I’m not making an impact.”

Oh, friends, if you only knew how many times I’ve been there! Those days when I’ve felt invisible, wondering if I’d actually spoken out loud. When I was having the same conversation, version 156.0 and it was as if the first 155 times never even happened. Nights when I worried that if one of my teens didn’t GET it, their life would be a dismal existence of trouble and pain.

My purpose in talking about this with you today is to remind you that those feelings are not the truth.

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE OUTCOME

You are making an impact. Your middle schoolers are listening to you. If that wasn’t the truth, we wouldn’t hear stories like dozens I find on YouTube. Stories where adults thank their parents or teachers. In fact, as I was prepping for this episode, I was sucked down the rabbit hole and sat, weeping as I watched video after video, from professional athletes and pop stars to everyday families like yours and mine, all thanking their parents and teachers. If you want to check some of those out, you can find links in below.

3 STRATEGIES TO SHIFT YOUR MINDSET ABOUT THE OUTCOME

When we hit that low, it’s super important to have some things in place to help reset us. There are 3 things you can do to shift your mindset back to the truth – that we are having a profound influence on the teens in our lives. That you are a Connected Coach to them.

Grow your awareness.

The sooner you can recognize that you’re slipping into that abyss, the sooner you can climb out of it. It’s much easier to climb up from a ledge than it is to climb up from the bottom.

Dive into stories.

Nothing’s more encouraging than to talk to someone who is a few steps ahead in the journey. Whether parenting or teaching, those who’ve gone before me help me see what’s possible – and even probable. They give me a glimpse of the things to come.

Surround yourself with meaningful community.

People in the trenches just like we are, fighting the same good fight, who will remind you of the truth. And you’ll do the same for them when they hit a low spot. You’re normalizing the struggle that goes hand in hand in raising and teaching middle schoolers.

GETTING TRAPPED IN THE PIT OF DOUBT

When you stay at the bottom of the pit, believing that you’re not making an impact, it eats away at you. It keeps you from actively trying to build connection with your teens because those efforts feel like hauling boulders. The bigger picture can’t be seen, that bird’s-eye view that reminds you that this is a season of life and you’re just passing through – it’s not a permanent address. It traps you and your teens in an unhealthy pattern, locked in a vicious cycle of negative interactions.

OUR DOUBT IS NOT CONNECTED TO THE OUTCOME

We are ALL going to have these moments of doubt and despair. It’s a normal, inevitable part of raising and teaching middle schoolers. I am SO GLAD we have a choice when we hit these moments of doubt and despair. One, we can park there and hang out a while, miserable and isolated. Or two, we can reset our minds by being aware, diving into stories that encourage us and give us perseverance, and turning to a community that normalizes our experience and supports us.

IMPACTING THE OUTCOME AS A CONNECTED COACH

If you want to choose that second option, I am so excited to be offering a free masterclass at the beginning of the year. It’s going to help you become the Connected Coach that you want to be. If you’d like to be the first to get all the details, be sure to sign up.

This Week’s Recs

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

Bing Crosby’s Version

Michael Buble‘s Version

Norah Jones‘s Version

Taylor Swift‘s Version

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